Midnight Snack

My health kick is slowly dissolving into the trans fats I gladly pour on my face. Add that to my nocturnal status and I'm on my merry way to obesity. So last night my Ukrainian lover, Taisa and I got the munchies hard - not the drug induced kind. I don't need drugs to appear clinically insane. Distraught at the sight of vegetables in the fridge, we decided to stealthily order. Two thick shakes, mozzarella sticks, and cheese fries, once Blair went to sleep. We forgot to inform the delivery man that an evil menace was in slumber and to please refrain from buzzing. If Blair was awoken we would surely die and immediately be reported to Sir Ronald, our trainer.

I made the executive decision to set a timer for 15 minutes, by then we would walk down and await his arrival. No buzz needed. Without breathing we rugged up. It took me forever to properly shut the door silently. As if it was a challenge on survivor and immunity was my only option. Might I add the door shut without a sound. Taisa gave me a silent applause, we were so proud of ourselves. Criminals in the night, and we were good at it. Heads held high, we were ready to take on a jewelry store. Seductively bending amongst the lasers, frosting our ninja bodies with diamonds without a fear.

It's amazing how one second you're radiating happiness and the next horror, like you're being chased by an axe murderer. Our veins collapsed as we heard the buzzing from within. Terror at its finest replaced Taisas' eyes. My immediate reaction was to fiddle with the locked door. Of course I didn't have keys, and Taisa was too busy contemplating suicide to give me her set. As the buzzing continued I knew we had been caught. There was no way Blair was still in the arms of Morpheus. If anything he would've greeted us with two tickets to Satan, for disturbing his peace. Ants in my pants, we began to sprint down the stairs. Most likely waking all in our path. I've never descended 3 flights in less than it takes to unlock my cellular device, but last night I did. Adrenaline. It's the only conclusion. How fast we ran was inhumane. The poor little delivery man was puzzled. We seemed as though this was our first meal in years, and snatched the goods. Little did he know he almost got us whipped. Once the insanity dispersed and we were safe. I felt as though I had to vomit. 1 because of the sudden exercise burst and 2, I was convulsing.

Fortunately Blair didn't wake. Something we should've known because school doesn't allow her to sleep. Little Blair remained in her dreamland as Taisa and I slipped into a nightmare. You may think we're pathetic, we are. But it was worth it. Terrifyingly worth it. 


Taisa's face as the buzzing began.