Dusting off old memories is just about as exciting as eating your first olive; at first you want to spit it out, then you become accustomed to the flavor, and boy does the aftertaste linger. You become enthrawled in the past, and the future 'what ifs'. No more can you focus on errands, but only stagnate. Sleep isn't an option unless you're absolutely exhausted. Sometimes even then you lay still, eyes wide open in a coma state. It's odd, your body's resting but your head is spinning. Constantly sifting through old memory files and organizing the new. Projecting new possible excitements into dreams while your eyes remain open. You tirelessly attempt to force yourself to sleep. Now wishing for the immediate blackout that quickly sends you to the morning. Counting sheep of course doesn't help. It comes to a point when your body dissolves into the mattress and without knowing you drift away. Without acknowledging the kind gift that you've finally received. Only until the morning, when you dust the sleep from your eyes and regret the insufficient slumber, do you realize. You realize that no matter how hard you try, without uncovering your true desires, you won't achieve an adequate sleep. You'll forever sit in the internal prison of your uneasy mind. That's the scariest reality of them all. The lifelong mission to contempt. The mission that most have only just begun.